Decentering men is a concept that can benefit both women and men by challenging the oppressive societal systems we live in. This is not about hating men or blaming them, but about recognizing the conditioning we all face and how it limits our true potential. By daring to look at these shadows, we can transform ourselves and our lives.

Table of Contents

• Self-Abandonment as a Survival Strategy
• Breaking Free from Patriarchal Gender Norms
• We Are Conditioned to Center Men
• The Collective Trauma of Little Girls (and Boys)
• Our Co-Dependent Relationship with ‘(Wo)Men in Power’
• This Is What Decentering Men Means
• Decentering Patriarchy Inside of Me
• Men Too Are Victims of Patriarchy
• Breaking Free from ‘Men in Power’
• Getting Rid of the Male Gaze & Growing Body Hair
• True Freedom Comes from Within
• Need Help?

This blog is generated by AI based on our video about this topic. You can watch our video below. Prefer to read on? Just scroll down below the video! 

Self-Abandonment as a Survival Strategy

Many of us, especially women, resort to self-abandonment as a survival strategy. We seek external validation, set no real boundaries, and become perfectionists and people pleasers. These mechanisms may help us fit into societal norms, but they also steal our life force energy and suppress our authentic selves.

Suppressing our authentic selves causes us to also suppress parts that we need to feel powerful, confident and courageous. By suppressing these very vital parts, we hinder our ability to manifest our visions, our dreams, and to create the life we envision. We disempower ourselves and feel unguarded, unsafe and insecure. 

Breaking Free from Patriarchal Gender Norms

From a young age, we are being conditioned to conform to gender roles and norms through societal conditioning. While conditioning doesn’t always have to be bad, we are raised with very narrow-minded perspectives of what it means to be a woman or a man. In a way you could say that it even feels disrespectful and limiting. Breaking free from those traditional roles can help us fulfill our true potential. 

Our female lineage is full of intergenerational trauma of women. For example: the opression of women, the silencing of women, the (religious) shaming and blaming of women, rape, abuse, etc. By breaking free from traditional gender roles, we decide to break free from all the pain and hurt from the past, and we find the courage to create new and better cycles for future generations to come. 

We Are Conditioned to Center Men

From a young age, we are conditioned to center men and view them as the center of the universe. This conditioning teaches us to listen to their leadership, accept their version of history, and conform to their rules. Both men and women are victims of this men-centered world.

This conditioning is not just individual but also societal and cultural. We grow up believing that male leaders, bosses, and managers will save us, making us codependent on the system and those in power.

The Collective Trauma of Little Girls (and Boys)

Little girls lose their innocence early due to the sexualization of their bodies and existence. They are conditioned to serve men, cater to everyone’s emotional needs (i.e. being nice, smile, nodd, say yes), conform to beauty standards, and seek validation through appearance.

This (religious) conditioning stems from a more conservative time where women had no financial independence and were seen as property which made them dependent on men and the system(s) around them.

Little boys also lose their innocence through conditioning. For example by teaching them that vulnerable emotions are something that they should be ashamed of. Or by teaching them to view themselves merely as lust-driven creatures not able to control their sexual desires and impulses.

Furthermore, they are conditioned to view women as objects that are here to be their mother or to serve them and their emotional needs. This creates a narrow, lust-based existence that steals their innocence.

These examples are just a small fraction of the suffering that lies beneath the gender norms and social conditioning of men and women. But the fact that both women and men suffer greatly under these oppressive norms is an understatement.  

Our Co-Dependent Relationship with ‘(Wo)Men in Power’

Because of our capitalistic society that creates dependence of money from birth, we are in a co-dependent relationship with those who have money and can give it to us. Be it (fe)male leaders, bosses, our parents(!) or the patriarchal system itself. This co-dependency creates an everlasting power dynamic between people who are higher in the hierarchy and those who are ‘beneath’ them.

As a result, we all suffer from relational trauma and we lose our trust in ourselves and the world around us. This impacts our level of self-worth and self-respect immensely. 

This Is What Decentering Men Means

Decentering men means taking our power back and not relying on men for validation or survival. It involves listening to our inner wisdom, setting boundaries, and respecting ourselves and others. It’s about breaking free from societal norms and becoming a sovereign, autonomous individual.

This means: not participating anymore in the rat race and survival mode, and thus the co-dependent relationship with the system. It involves letting go of external validation, manipulation, domination, and all other (c)overt tactics to get our needs met. It’s about being honest, respectful, and true to ourselves.

This process also involves healing intergenerational trauma, understanding our contributions to power dynamics (doing shadow work), and letting go of manipulative behaviors. It’s about creating a new path based on authenticity, integrity, and self-respect. 

Decentering Patriarchy Inside of Us

At Beyond Psychology we always say: the only way onwards, is inwards. This means that if we want to dismantle dysfunctional, oppressive systems outside of ourselves, we also have to dismantle these very same systems INSIDE of ourselves.

This means that we have to be on the look out for any signs of patriarchal conditioning inside of us. For women this could mean discovering where they are using manipulation or their sexual energy to get what they want. Or where they are using submission (people pleasing, fawning, suppressing anger), to get what they want. 

But also by overcoming their traumas on speaking their truth, taking up space, standing up, or fighting for what is right. It’s about learning to respect themselves, stepping into their power and full potential, and learning how to set boundaries, speak their truth and say no. 

Men Too Are Victims of Patriarchy

Men are also hurt by patriarchal norms that force them to suppress emotions and conform to narrow definitions of masculinity. Decentering patriarchy can help men embrace their emotions, intuition, and creative energy, leading to a more balanced and fulfilling life.

This journey for men could involve healing their traumas on oppression, shame, agression, war(s), competition, entitlement, or showing vulnerable emotions. But also taking radical responsibility on re-shaping their view of women, learning how to respect them, take them into account, and to let go of the narrow idea of a man as a lust-driven animal not able to control his impulses. 

It asks of both men and women to understand where the patriarchy is (still) serving them but hurting others, and to not choose to use those privileges for the sole purpose of surviving anymore. 

By decentering men and patriarchy, we can create a new world where we are not dependent on external validation and can thrive as autonomous, empowered individuals.

This involves recognizing and dismantling the power dynamics between women and men. This means letting go of manipulation, setting boundaries, and respecting each other as equals. It’s about creating a new, more balanced way of relating to each other.

Breaking Free from ‘Men in Power’

Decentering men means breaking free from the idea that men in power are responsible for our well-being. It involves taking back our power, creating our own path, and not relying on external validation. It’s about becoming autonomous, empowered individuals who can thrive on our own terms.

This journey involves healing our wounds, setting boundaries, and embracing our authentic selves. It’s about creating a new, more balanced way of living and relating to each other.

True Freedom Comes from Within

True freedom lies in breaking free from societal systems, trauma, and conditioning. It involves overcoming our shame, taking radical responsibility, healing our wounds, and embracing our authentic selves. By decentering men and patriarchy, we can create a more balanced, fulfilling way of living.

This journey is about finding inner wisdom, setting boundaries, and respecting ourselves and others. It’s about creating a new world where we can thrive as autonomous, empowered individuals.

Need Help?

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