Dismantle your why
True change and transformation cannot happen when you do not dare to take full responsibility for the choices you make in life. When you are not capable of consciously and deliberately choose to behave in a different way than the day you did before. When you do not dare to be completely honest. When you still make yourself small and deny or suppress your intuitive wisdom or your gut feeling.
It can only happen when you understand why, how, where and when you are still holding yourself back (or even ‘sabotaging’ yourself). When you discover where you are still suppressing yourself, and why. You have to dismantle your why and help yourself overcome it. Is it love? Recognition? External validation? Filling an emptiness that you feel inside? Soothing wounds of trauma, rejection or abandonment? The fear of being alone? Beliefs that are holding you back? Feeling overly responsible? The fear of falling?
Work with you suppressed emotions
Often suppressed emotions like anger, grief, shame or guilt are behind these self-sabotaging thoughts, beliefs and behaviors. They are actually subconsciously running the show. Especially when you do not acknowledge, accept and/or express them. When you do not dare to be vulnerable where there is shame. Or when you do not dare to speak your truth when there is anger, a clear no or a boundary. Maybe you even feel unsafe to express yourself in any way, whether it is vulnerably or angrily, because of past negative experiences with doing so.
And this isn’t an irrational fear. It still is physically and/or emotionally unsafe in many places around the world to express yourself authentically. To speak your truth, say no, or set a boundary. You will still be rejected, ostracized, criticized or emotionally abandoned or judged when you do so. And the fact that this still is so present, isn’t only retraumatizing for many, it’s also why true transformation and change, whether it is individually or collectively, is so hard.
Why? Because your system is wired for survival, and if you deeply believe that you will not survive when you start with expressing yourself authentically in any way (e.g. choosing yourself, speak your truth, set a boundary, say no, speak up, create your art, etc.), your system will subconsciously do a lot of things, or will make a lot of noise, to block you from truly doing those things.
Find a way around your survival mechanisms
But when you truly want to change and transform you have to find a way around your initial survival response(s). You have to understand how you respond when things get tough, when you choose yourself, speak your truth, set a boundary, etc. You have to understand the mechanisms that you have created to keep yourself safe (coping / survival mechanisms), and to deliberately not choose those behaviors anymore.
You then have to find ways to soothe the fears, panic or anxiety that your system will definitely experience. Often this can be traced back to past trauma, whether emotionally or physically. You will get confronted with the wounds that are living inside of you, and the pain and grief that envelop them. This is where your healing journey starts, a period of softness, getting into silence, and just sit with yourself and your emotions.
After this period it is time to create new ways of responding. New behavior(s) that will help you grow and transform. New mechanisms that replace the old ones and that are healthy, empowering, beneficial and serving the highest good of you, and therefore of our planet as a whole.
Free yourself from helplessness
When you learn how to do that, you will free yourself from feelings of helplessness, depression or powerlessness. You will finally be able to see that you were so powerful and courageous all along. That you are capable of so much more than you think you are. You will finally understand that the world will only be an unsafe and scary place if you do not allow yourself (or dare) to speak up, be vulnerable, express your anger, or set boundaries.
Because when you do allow yourself all of that, when you do find the courage to stay vulnerable, open, soft, but with firm and clear boundaries, you will experience that it is safe to express yourself authentically. To be who you are, wherever you are, and whatever happens. You will experience that you can carry yourself. Soothe yourself. Be your own leader. You will be so powerful, confident, worthy, and… authentic!
You will free the creative life force energy inside of you that you used to suppress your authentic self. And this energy will be everything you need to create the changes, individually and collectively, you so desire!
So, what are you waiting for?
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