When I work with clients or talk to women about anger, one of the most common responses I get is: “I don’t really feel that angry.” Many even wonder if they have any anger inside them at all.

But as we begin to explore their stories, a different truth emerges. Often, these women recall experiences from their childhood—examples of aggressive parents or other adults who expressed anger in destructive and painful ways. Witnessing this led many to make a silent promise: I will never be like that.

It’s a decision rooted in survival, and I can’t blame them. If your earliest memories of anger involve chaos, violence, or harm, why would you ever want to access that part of yourself? But this is where we need to talk about initiating ourselves into a new relationship with anger.

Below you can watch the video of Iris Savonije about this topic. Prefer to read on? Just scroll down! 

Immature Anger vs. Mature Anger: What You Haven’t Seen Yet

Most of what we’ve experienced so far is immature anger—anger that was never properly guided or developed. It’s the kind that lashes out, causes harm, or implodes inward, turning into self-blame and shame. But anger doesn’t have to stay stuck in this immature state.

When we initiate ourselves into a healthier, more grounded relationship with anger, it transforms. It no longer lives as something destructive or unsafe. Instead, it becomes an energy that supports us from within, rising through our bones, holding us upright, and connecting us to worthiness and dignity.

Can you feel that possibility? What happens inside you when you imagine lifting your head high, carrying yourself with pride, and becoming visible? From this place, boundaries—your ability to say “yes” or “no”—arise naturally.

Anger as a Force of Existence: Lessons from Indigenous Cultures

I often draw inspiration from indigenous cultures when thinking about mature anger. Have you ever watched the haka—the traditional dance performed by the Māori people of New Zealand? The dancers move with intensity, their eyes fierce with a type of raw, primal energy.

At first glance, it might seem aggressive. But if you look closely, you’ll notice something important: this is not violence. It’s not destruction. It’s existence.

The haka embodies the right to be here, fully present, rooted in the earth, and unapologetically alive. This is the warrior archetype we can all reconnect with—the part of us that defends what matters, speaks our truth, and takes up space without shame.

Healing the Old Stories to Step into the New

I know that for many of us, there is healing to be done before we can fully embody this type of strength. The old wounds from unsafe experiences of anger can run deep. But what if, on the other side of that healing, lies something so powerful and beautiful?

What if reclaiming your relationship with anger allows you to experience boundaries, worthiness, and presence in ways you never imagined? What if this energy isn’t here to hurt you, but to support you?

Your Invitation: Embark on the Journey of Anger Alchemy

If you’ve felt disconnected from your anger or have been afraid of what it might mean to let it in, you’re not alone. But you don’t have to navigate this path on your own. Our Anger Alchemy Course is designed to help you heal the wounds of unsafe anger, initiate yourself into mature anger, and transform this energy into a source of empowerment and self-worth.

Join us, and let’s turn suppression into strength, together.

👉 Ready to begin your journey? Explore our Anger Alchemy 8-week workshop series here and reconnect with your worthiness, dignity, and power.

Iris Savonije

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