Understanding Enmeshment

Enmeshment is a relationship style in which an individual becomes completely intertwined with another person, typically a parent or a partner, to the point of losing their own identity. It is a covert style that involves copying the mechanisms, mannerisms, and identity of the other person in an attempt to gain their love, recognition, and validation.

Enmeshment can provide short-term benefits by receiving love and validation, but in the long run, it leads to feelings of emptiness, depression, and resentment. This relationship style can occur within a one-on-one relationship, a family dynamic, and even collectively on a larger scale.

Table of Contents

• Understanding Enmeshment
• The Origins of Enmeshment
• Healing from Enmeshment
• Conclusion

This blog is generated by AI based on our video about this topic. You can watch our video below. Prefer to read on? Just scroll down below the video. 

The Origins of Enmeshment

Enmeshment often stems from toxic family environments, where love is present but in subtle demanding ways. In these environments, individuals are implicitly asked to abandon their authentic selves in order to maintain the love and approval of their parents or caregivers.

By becoming a replica of their parent, they hope to make their parent feel good and avoid any form of disconnection. Because disconnection is a real threat to a child’s survival, enmeshment is an unconscious coping mechanism developed in childhood to ensure immediate survival. 

The Impact of Enmeshment

Enmeshment creates a deep sense of loneliness, as individuals are never truly loved for who they are, but rather for the identity they have copied. It leads to a suppression of authentic needs, desires, emotions, boundaries, and opinions, as individuals prioritize the needs of others over their own. This pattern persists into adulthood, making it difficult to express individuality and have fulfilling relationships.

When someone uses enmeshment as a relationship style to ensure connection and safety, disconnection can often trigger feelings of guilt, fear, or shame. When triggered, the ‘enmesher’ will often make itself small, suppress its authenticity, and please the other person. But this suppression of authenticity and the constant need to please others, result in a profound sense of emptiness, loneliness, and depression. 

Healing from Enmeshment

Recognizing and understanding enmeshment is the first step towards healing. It is essential to explore the relationship dynamics with our parents and caregivers and how their expectations shaped our enmeshment patterns. Emotional and somatic healing work can help us access vulnerable emotions and wounds related to disconnection, rejection, and abandonment. By feeling these emotions and soothing ourselves, we can begin to create safety in expressing our individuality and needs within relationships.

Increasing Emotional Tolerance

Increasing our level of emotional tolerance is a crucial aspect of healing from enmeshment. It involves learning to recognize our triggers and to sit with the fear and anxiety that arises when faced with disconnection. Slowly over time, we can start expressing our authentic selves and setting boundaries in a safe and supportive environment. This process requires practice, but it allows us to create new relationship mechanisms that honor our authenticity.

Conclusion

Enmeshment is a relationship style that can hinder our ability to express our true selves and have fulfilling relationships. By recognizing and understanding enmeshment, we can embark on a healing journey that involves emotional and somatic healing work, increasing our emotional tolerance, and learning to express our authentic selves in relationships. It is through this process that we can create new patterns and connection mechanisms that lead to genuine love, fulfillment, and personal growth.  

Need Help?

Away from traditional (talk) therapy and coaching we have created new tools for self-discovery, healing, transformation and growth. Our tools follow a holistic approach where we combine somatic and emotional healing practices with psychological theory & guidance.

If you resonated with the insights shared in this blog post and are seeking guidance on your healing journey, here are 3 ways we can help you:

1. Shop In Our Webshop

In our webshop you can find all our tools sorted by theme, visit our shop here.

2. Become A Member

Become a member of our online platform & community for Self-discovery, Healing, Transformation & Empowerment: Heart Journey.

Gain instant access to all our Meditations, Somatic Exercises, Parts Work Exercises, Videos, Visualizations and much more for just €11,99 per month or €99 per year!

Start your 5 day free trial here.

3. 1-on-1 Guidance

Feel in need of personal guidance? We offer 1-on-1 guidance that transcends classic talk therapy & coaching, speaks directly to the emotions and trauma stored and suppressed in the body, and gets to the root of mental, emotional & physical suffering. Just click here to book a free intake.

Related Blogs