If you have a desire for true healing, change and transformation in your life, and to meet your true self, then there is one thing that you should do. The only thing in my honest opinion that’s really necessary to get you started with your journey of healing and transformation is: A total and radical acceptance of who you are right now, where you are right now, what you are right now, and… what you are NOT.

Below you can listen to the audio version of this blog. Prefer to read on? Just scroll below the audio. 

The False Identity

We are taught from a very young age that to be seen, valued, liked, heard and loved, we have to meet a certain image. We have to look like a certain kind of woman or man, we have to behave like others, be like others. In general, we have to ‘be like the rest’.

Because of this we create this ultimate perfect image in our heads of who we should be, how we should be, what we should be and do and try to live up to that our entire lives. Based on what we learn from our close surroundings, family, friends, school, tv, magazines, social media etc., we create a fake but perfect image of ourselves in our minds: a false identity. 

But… this image, this identity, this persona… that’s not who we truly are. It’s a modified version of ourselves, with (a lot of) parts of our true self hidden, suppressed and in the end… forgotten. If you truly want to heal and transform yourself, and if you have a deep desire to find yourself and express all of who you are with the world, you have to start admitting to yourself that the person you show to the world right now, isn’t who you truly are.

Stop Trying to Be Good at Everything

You have to stop living up to this image in your head that you’ve created to stay safe, to survive, to be seen, loved, heard and valued by others. You have to start accepting yourself for who you truly are, radically. Admitting that you’re not e.g. as thin, smart, or skilled as you believe the world expects of you. You have tos top with trying to be good at everything. 

On the other hand, it’s also possible that you have to start with admitting that you are actually smarter, more powerful, more resilient, etc. than you made the world believe out of shame or guilt. 

You have to radically accept your reality as it is. Look around. Look in the mirror. Be humble. Admit. Who are you right now and does this match the image that you try to meet? Where does it meet this image? Where doesn’t it meet the image? Can you accept that?

Let Your Biggest Fears Come True

You have to accept that you make mistakes. Make a mess out of things. That you are insecure, afraid. Sometimes I would even describe it as: just let all your fears or insecurities come true.

What if you aren’t perfect? What if you are small right now? What if you are living unhealthier than you would want to admit right now? What if you are bad at your job? Because you’re trying to fit in a place you just don’t fit? What if you’re not the superhuman you think you should be?

And let it be. Feel it. What if it’s true? What then…? Can you feel the relief? The relaxation? Maybe even laugh about it? Can you allow yourself to be a messy perfectly imperfect human being again? 
Can you then finally see yourself for who you truly are and embrace all your beauty and all your flaws?

When you radically accept yourself for who you truly are, be humble, be honest, then you can work with what is, and work towards the person, the life, you want to be and live. Because you then work with reality as it is… there will be no resistance anymore. 

From Self-Acceptance to Self-love

So, self-acceptance is key. Especially when the concept of self-love is something that you find hard to grasp. You can see self-acceptance as the beginning of a deep and profound self-love.

I know this might sound as the world upside down: admitting your insecurities, flaws, ugliness, human mess. Facing them. Acknowledging them. Letting them be true. Especially in a world where positive thinking and creating a perfect, future, image of yourself is something that’s being promoted over and over again.

But the latter is just another form of creating a perfect persona or image in your head that you have to live up to. It’s just another form of putting pressure on yourself and suppressing parts of yourself that you think aren’t allowed or have the right to exist. While these parts of you actually long for you to see them, acknowledge them and let them live and play along.

Integration = Healing

It’s that simple. Radically accept yourself, let all of who you are exist and be ok with that. This is actually how you ‘integrate’ all the parts of yourself and this is how you truly HEAL, you become whole again. 

Stop trying to be someone you’re not.
Stop hating or punishing yourself for being something or someone you are not.
Stop pretending.
Stop striving.
Stop pushing.

The longer you try to meet a certain image, the longer you will suppress parts of yourself. And the longer you suppress parts of yourself, the harder they will try to get your attention. The resistance will grow and you will feel stuck, anxious and stressed all the time. The inner battle will continue and self-hatred will grow.

Let your fears and insecurities come true and feel that you’re still alive after that. Go through the fear. Sit with it. Soothe the child inside of you that’s scared and once created this perfect persona to ‘survive’. Tell it that it’s safe. And then… Feel how it will free you.

Become a Rebel

Choose radical self-acceptance in a world where you are being encouraged to self-hate and self-reject. F*ck the images that we all try to meet. F*ck the beauty standards and all other kinds of standards. F*ck the ideas about what it means to be a woman or a man, a father, a mother, a sister, a brother… 

And go create a life where who you are and what you are, is perfect the way it is. 

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