The world of illusions
We live in a dysfunctional, demanding, competitive, discriminative, oppressive, hierarchical, fear-based, (mind-)controlling and individualistic society, that is almost solely focused on personal gain, and unfortunately mostly suitable for white heteronormative men.
This society is teaching us that something is wrong with us, that we are incomplete, and that we should live in fear and shame and work the rest of our lives to compensate that. Without providing the safety and attachment we need while growing up, and without teaching us about a deeper sense of meaning or purpose in life.
Living in a very unsafe, oppressive, unnatural and dysfunctional society like this, has made us believe we are small, helpless, incomplete, broken, worthless and powerless individuals, separated from each other, who have to run and fight for their lives. Because of this we have been living in survival mode, in constant states of arousal, fear and stress (or fight, flight, freeze or fawn/please mode) and in competition with each other, for way too long.
At the same time, as a child, we are not being taught how to express and regulate our emotions, feelings, boundaries, desires and authentic self properly and in a healthy way. In fact, we are (mostly unconsciously) shamed, rejected, ignored, overlooked, ridiculed or even punished for showing vulnerability or expressing our deepest truth(s).
The stories we tell
From a very young age, we are being taught and told all kinds of stories and ‘truths’ about who we are and what the purpose of our life is that aren’t necessarily true and aren’t serving us as a collective and as an individual.
These stories mostly are very narrow-minded (coming from a patriarchal, colonial, capitalistic view on life) and are often suppressing our true creative potential as human beings. Leaving us feeling lost, unfulfilled, and separated from ourselves, each other and nature, and as if we can’t trust ourselves, others, the world around us and our own intuitive wisdom living inside of us.
Because of that we completely forget who we truly are: creators! Here to create the dreams and visions that are living inside of us, way more connected to nature, the lands and each other than what we are being taught. Here to experience ourselves in physical form and to grow, learn, play, love, expand and evolve!
Want to know more about the purpose of life? Go watch my video called: The purpose of life and who you truly are.
Living in the echo of unnatural and dysfunctional systems
Next to this, we also live in the echo of unnatural and dysfunctional systems such as capitalistic, patriarchal, religious and hierarchical systems.
One of the most important systems, the family system, gets negatively affected by these systems in a massive way. This is a recipe for unhealthy and unsafe family dynamics, negative childhood experiences and (childhood) trauma.
While all the while the family system plays a significant role in the (healthy) development of a child. It influences the development of…:
> Our identity, personality & the roles we play in life
> The mechanisms we create to cope with life
> Our values, morals, ethics
> Our sense of self and belonging
> The feeling of trust in ourselves, our confidence
> The love we have for ourselves and others
> The worthiness we feel
> Healthy communication styles
> Understanding our needs, behaviors and emotions and communicating them clearly and directly, and…
> The courage to be our authentic self and the expression of our truth and our boundaries.
So, in a way, our development is being severely disrupted because of the demanding and dysfunctional society and systems we are living in today. We become fearful, small, powerless, helpless, emotionally immature, suppressed, inauthentic and traumatized adults because of that.
When we aren’t aware of this, we unconsciously repeat the dysfunctional ways of living and coping that we have learned while growing up. We don’t know any other way… We repeat history and keep the dysfunctional cycles alive, until someone becomes aware and decides to heal and break the cycle.
If you want to learn more about how the family system affects your development, go watch my video called: Who are you and why are you the way you are? – The family system.
‘I am not worthy’
Because of all of this inherent in us all lies a subconscious belief and feeling that we (our true and authentic selves) are not worthy of existing and receiving love. That we don’t deserve love, that we are unwanted, not good, or any other belief that feels or looks similar.
We believe that, in order for us to be seen, loved, heard, valued, protected and belong, we have to be, do, say, act and believe all kinds of things that aren’t who we truly are or what we truly want to do. The paradox here is, by doing that, we actually don’t feel truly loved, seen, valued, heard and at home or as if we belong somewhere. The deep subconscious belief and feeling of ‘I am not worthy’ reinforces itself because of that and dictates our lives while we are often not even aware of that.
In fact, we even have created an identity or persona to mask this wound of unworthiness, to numb it and to cope with it. All with the sole purpose of not having to feel this feeling anymore.
But, subconsciously it’s there and it almost always lies at the heart of every conflict, relational struggle, mental and/or emotional suffering and sometimes even physical suffering. Because the suppression of our true selves, our emotions and this deep pain of unworthiness can manifest itself as energetic blockages that when not addressed on time can manifest itself as physical pain or suffering.
Emptiness, grief, resentment, projection
We feel a deep emptiness inside because of this and we try to fill this emptiness with all kinds of external means like food, money, material stuff, status, power, drugs, alcohol, entertainment, sex, superficial relationships, noise, Netflix, social media…
We try to numb the pain, the grief and the sadness of not being worthy enough. We try to live up to some kind of fake/perfect image of ourselves that we believe is worthy of receiving love… all of our lives.
We suppress who we truly are and put our true self away in the shadows. We miss him or her deeply, but aren’t really aware of that. Instead, we feel grief, anger, depression, resentment, pain and sadness.
We feel hurt and we project this hurt out into the world. Onto others, our partners, our parents, our children, our colleagues, friends, politicians, leaders, neighbors, immigrants, men, women… Because we don’t know what to do with it, or what it actually is.
All to just not feel this emptiness, this pain, this wound, that is living inside of us. We feel trapped in some way, feel hate, anger, resentment. While underneath it all lies sadness, grief, tears.
So many tears.
It begins with awareness
By becoming aware of this and start doing the work of healing this wound and retrieving all our suppressed, lost and hurt inner parts, we as individuals and as a collective are able to slowly heal from the effects of living in this demanding and dysfunctional society.
We can then break free from destructive cycles and start with transforming ourselves. As a result we will transform our systems and the way we live, cope, relate, consume and create.
Because once we dare to go to our pain, our wound(s), our tears…
Once we dare to feel it, release it, and give ourselves what we truly need: awareness, attachment, safety, recognition, love, acceptance, presence…
Then we can truly start with making space inside of us so that our true self dares to show its face again. Then we can fill our emptiness from the inside out and break free from the ‘external validation seeking chains’ we were trapped in all of our lives.
Enough is enough
We can give ourselves the love and care we need. We can help ourselves feel that we are enough. That we were enough, worthy and perfect from the beginning. That there never was anything wrong with us. That we have enough, do enough. That we have the right to exist, live and breathe on this planet. Just as every other living being on this planet has. That we are safe, loved, seen, heard and valued… By just merely existing.
Then we can ‘lay down our weapons and stop the fight’. We don’t have to defend ourselves or project our pain anymore. Because we finally dare to live and express our truth, and are fully 100% trusting the worthiness of our existence.
We are then so deeply connected with who we truly are and love ourselves with all our hearts, that we feel enough space and love for everybody else to do the same. And once we have healed our wounds, and filled our emptiness internally, we feel whole again, we feel healed.
And then we can slowly open our eyes for all the pain, hurt and damage that we brought into this world because of our own internal pain.
Then we can slowly take our responsibility and start to rebuild a planet, a system, that is built on wholeness, abundance, prosperity, love, trust and… of doing, having and being… enough.
Are you ready for this healing journey?