We live in a dysfunctional, demanding, competitive, oppressive, hierarchical, fear-based, (mind-)controlling and individualistic society. A society that is almost solely focused on personal gain, and unfortunately mostly suitable for white heteronormative men.

This society is teaching us that something is wrong with us, and that we should live in fear and shame and work the rest of our lives to compensate that. Without providing the safety and attachment we need while growing up, and without teaching us about a deeper sense of meaning or purpose in life. 

Survival Mode 

Living in a society like this, has made us believe we are small, helpless, incomplete, and powerless. Because of this we have been living in survival mode (or fight, flight, freeze or fawn/please mode) for way too long.

At the same time, we are not being taught how to express and regulate our emotions, feelings, boundaries, desires and authentic self properly and in a healthy way. In fact, we are (mostly unconsciously) shamed, rejected, ignored, or even punished for showing vulnerability or expressing our deepest truth(s).

The Purpose Of Life

From a very young age, we are being taught and told all kinds of stories and ‘truths’ about who we are and what the purpose of our life is. Stories that aren’t necessarily true and aren’t serving us. Most of these stories are narrow-minded, stemming from a patriarchal, colonial, and capitalistic perspective on life.

They often suppress our authentic creative potential as human beings, leaving us disoriented, unsatisfied, and alienated from ourselves, others, and nature. This makes us doubt ourselves, others, the world, and the intuitive wisdom within us. Consequently, we completely forget who we truly are: creators!

Our purpose is to manifest the dreams and aspirations residing within us, while being deeply interconnected with nature, the earth, and one another. Next to this, we are meant to fully embrace our physical existence, to develop, learn, play, love, thrive, and progress.

Want to know more about the purpose of life? Go watch our video called: The purpose of life and who you truly are. 

Living In The Echo Of Dysfunctional Systems

Next to this, we also live in the echo of unnatural and dysfunctional systems such as capitalistic, patriarchal, religious and other hierarchical systems. One of the most important systems, the family system, gets negatively affected by these systems.

This is a recipe for unhealthy and unsafe family dynamics, negative childhood experiences and (childhood) trauma. While all the while the family system plays a significant role in the (healthy) development of a child. It influences the development of…:

> Our identity, personality & the roles we play in life;
> The mechanisms we create to cope with life;
> Our values, morals, ethics;
> Our sense of self and belonging;
> The feeling of trust in ourselves, our confidence;
> The love we have for ourselves and others;
> The worthiness we feel;
> Healthy communication styles;
> Understanding our needs, behaviors and emotions and communicating them clearly and directly;
> The courage to be our authentic self and the expression of our truth and our boundaries.

It’s Time To Break The Cycle

Our development is being severely disrupted because of the demanding and dysfunctional society and systems we are living in today. We become fearful, small, powerless, helpless, emotionally immature, suppressed, inauthentic and traumatized adults because of that.

When we aren’t aware of this, we unconsciously repeat the dysfunctional ways of living and coping that we have learned while growing up. And while we don’t know any other way we will repeat history and keep the dysfunctional cycles alive. This can only stop when someone becomes aware and decides to heal and break the cycle.

If you want to learn more about how the family system affects your development, go watch our video called: Who are you and why are you the way you are? – The family system. 

The Wound Of Unworthiness

Because of all of this, inherent in us all lies a subconscious belief and feeling that we (our true and authentic selves) are not worthy of existing and receiving love. We believe that, in order for us to be seen, loved, heard, valued, protected and belong, we have to be someone we are not.

In fact, often we even have created a complete identity or persona to mask and numb this ‘wound of unworthiness‘. All with the sole purpose of not having to feel the pain of this wound anymore.

The Paradox Of Wanting To Be Loved

The paradox here is, by doing that, the deep subconscious belief ‘I am not worthy’ reinforces itself. Because we are trying to be loved by creating a ‘fake’ or inauthentic personality. Consequently, we don’t actually feel loved, seen, and valued for who we truly are.

We experience a profound sense of emptiness within us, leading us to seek validation through external sources such as food, money, possessions, status, power, substances, entertainment, sex, shallow connections, or social media in an attempt to fill this void. This creates an even deeper pain, or wound inside of us.

Emptiness, Grief, Resentment, Projection

In our pursuit to escape feelings of unworthiness, we strive to conform to an artificial ideal of ourselves that we believe is deserving of love throughout our lives. This results in suppressing our true identity, relegating it to the shadows, and yearning for its presence without full awareness of its absence.

Instead we experience grief, anger, depression, sorrow or resentment on the surface, not really understanding its origin. Feeling wounded, we project this pain onto others including partners, family, friends, authority figures, and strangers. The true source of all our conflicts, misunderstandings and relational troubles in life.

It Begins With Awareness & Presence

By becoming aware of this and start doing the inner work of healing this wound and retrieving all our suppressed, lost and hurt inner parts, we are able to slowly heal from the effects of growing up in our society. This will allow us to break free from destructive cycles, and transform ourselves and our lives. As a result we will also transform the way we live, cope, relate, consume, and create.

Enough Is Enough

Once we dare to go to our pain, and really start with feeling it, we are able to give ourselves what we truly need: acknowledgement, acceptance and presence. This helps us with filling the emptiness from the inside out, and breaking free from the ‘external validation seeking chains’ we were trapped in all of our lives.

By giving ourselves the love and care we needed as a little child, we can help ourselves feel that we are enough, just the way we are. In addition, by practicing with radical self-acceptance, forgiveness and self-love, we will create a sense of safety, fulfillment and personal power inside of us.

Then we can ‘lay down our weapons and stop the fight’. We don’t have to defend ourselves or project our pain anymore. Because we finally dare to live and express our truth, and are fully 100% trusting the worthiness of our existence.

Responsibility

We are then so deeply connected with who we truly are and love ourselves with all our hearts, that we feel enough space and love for everybody else to do the same. This will increase our window of tolerance. The exact tolerance we need to open our eyes for all the pain, hurt, and damage that we brought into this world because of our own internal pain. 

Then we can slowly take our responsibility and start to rebuild a planet, a system, that is built on wholeness, abundance, prosperity, love, trust, and of doing, having and being enough.

This Is How We Can Help You

Away from traditional (talk) therapy and coaching we have created new tools for self-discovery, healing, transformation and growth. Our tools follow a holistic approach where we combine somatic and emotional healing practices with psychological theory & guidance.

If you resonated with the insights shared in this blog post and are seeking guidance on your healing journey, here are 3 ways we can help you:

1. Shop In Our Webshop

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