Insecurity is often described as a fear of judgment, rejection, or criticism. Many people assume it is about other people’s opinions, about being seen in a negative light, or about not being good enough in the eyes of the world. However, when you look more closely, insecurity has very little to do with others. Instead, it has everything to do with what already lives inside you.
To truly understand insecurity, you have to return to the context in which it was created. Insecurities do not appear randomly in adulthood. Rather, they are formed early in life, at a time when you were highly vulnerable and deeply dependent on the people around you. As a child, your survival depended on connection. Love, safety, and belonging were not optional; they were essential. This dependency shaped how you learned to relate to yourself.
This blog is based on a video by Myrthe Glasbergen, MSc. our video about this topic. You can watch her video below. Prefer to read on? Just scroll down below the video.
How Insecurity Is Created in Childhood
When a child experiences disapproval, punishment, ridicule, or emotional withdrawal from caregivers, something profound happens internally. Where there was connection, warmth, and safety, there is suddenly distance. As a result, the emotional atmosphere changes. For a child, this shift feels threatening.
Because a child cannot yet reflect on the emotional immaturity, conditioning, or projections of the parent, the experience is interpreted in the only way that makes sense: something about me is wrong. In this way, insecurity begins. Not as a conscious belief, but as an internalized conclusion.
Instead of thinking, “My parent is overwhelmed, conditioned, or emotionally unavailable,” the child concludes, “If I show this part of myself, I lose love.” Over time, this leads to a split in the psyche. Certain parts of the self are allowed to exist, while others are pushed away, suppressed, or hidden out of shame.
Fragmentation and the Loss of Wholeness
To illustrate this process, consider a simple example. A child enjoys her birthday cake freely and joyfully, only to be subtly shamed or mocked by a parent who is themselves conditioned around food, body image, or femininity. There may be no malicious intent. Nevertheless, the message is received clearly.
Gradually, enjoyment becomes associated with embarrassment. Desire becomes associated with rejection. As a result, the child learns to monitor herself. This is often how a first insecurity is born.
Because there is no emotionally mature adult present to help process what happened, the child has no choice but to internalize the experience. Consequently, the judgment does not remain external; it becomes part of the child’s inner world. This process repeats itself in countless ways throughout childhood and adolescence. Each moment of disapproval, ridicule, or emotional withdrawal contributes to further fragmentation.
By the time you reach adulthood, these fragmented and suppressed parts are no longer consciously accessible. Instead, they live beneath awareness, held together by shame. Your insecurities are the psychological expression of these disowned parts. The thoughts that accompany insecurity are not new ideas. Rather, they are reflections of old internalized beliefs that have never been questioned or integrated.
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What You Are Truly Afraid Of
At this point, a crucial shift in understanding becomes possible. You are not actually afraid of what other people think of you. Instead, you are afraid that other people will confirm what you already believe about yourself. The outside world feels threatening because it might mirror the shame you carry internally.
For this reason, insecurity is not fear of judgment; it is fear of recognition.
When situations in adult life resemble the emotional dynamics of childhood, insecurities are triggered automatically. Feedback, boundaries, disagreement, or even neutral interactions can activate the old internal alarm system. Consequently, the nervous system responds as if survival is at stake, even when it is not. What you experience as insecurity is the resurfacing of suppressed parts asking for attention.
Insecurity and Projection
Projection plays a central role in this dynamic. The qualities you fear others see in you are often the qualities you have rejected within yourself. You may believe others think you are selfish, too much, greedy, needy, weak, or inappropriate. Yet these fears exist precisely because you already judge those parts internally. As a result, others become carriers of your own suppressed self-criticism.
This is also why insecurity so often interferes with boundaries, self-expression, and emotional honesty. If being selfish was once punished, then choosing yourself feels dangerous. Similarly, if expressing needs led to rejection, then asking for support feels shameful. In this way, insecurity keeps you loyal to old survival rules, even when they no longer serve you.
Integration as the Way Out of Insecurity
Healing insecurity does not mean eliminating these parts or proving they are wrong. Instead, it requires the opposite approach. It means acknowledging that the part you are insecure about exists, understanding why it was suppressed, and recognizing the valid need beneath it.
Every suppressed part carries a need that was once unmet. Therefore, insecurity points directly to that need.
When you stop fighting insecurity and start listening to it, something shifts. The question changes from “How do I get rid of this?” to “What is this part asking for?” Integration begins when you allow what was once rejected to exist again in your conscious awareness. This is not indulgence or justification. Rather, it is responsibility.
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Reclaiming Personal Power Through Wholeness
As an adult, you no longer need to rely on external approval to survive. You can meet your own needs. You can hold your own complexity. When you integrate the parts you were once ashamed of, insecurity loses its grip. This does not happen because the world suddenly approves of you, but because you no longer abandon yourself.
This is where personal power returns. Power does not come from perfection, control, or constant self-monitoring. Instead, it comes from wholeness. When there is no longer an internal war between acceptable and unacceptable parts, the fear of judgment naturally diminishes. As a result, you are no longer dependent on others to validate what you have already accepted.
Insecurity as an Invitation
Insecurity is not an enemy to overcome. Rather, it is an invitation. It shows you exactly where fragmentation occurred and where integration is still possible. When you learn to respond to insecurity with curiosity instead of rejection, you move from survival into self-leadership. From there, authentic change becomes possible.
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