I was already busy with personal growth, healing, transformation and spirituality for almost 6 years and I was growing in confidence, self-love and trust and there had been some major changes in my life. But still there were times that I felt stuck, unfree, unfulfilled, and the depressive feelings that I had felt kept coming back.

I also found myself stuck in a loop, over and over again: I started a project, felt all inspired and motivated, confident. But over time I lost hope and trust, and found myself crying and stating that it wouldn’t work out anyway. Often soon after that I would give up, run away and change jobs, places, projects or goals in general.

I knew I had to do something to break free from this. Something that could help me start digging deep to understand where these feelings and this self-sabotaging behavior came from. From that moment on I decided: I will stay, no matter what. 

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The Most Important Aspect Of Personal Growth

By deciding to stay, it hit me that on this whole journey of personal growth, self-discovery and transformation, I had forgotten the most important aspect: to shine light on the most vulnerable, hurt and traumatized parts of me. Parts that were still tied to negative experiences from my past that had forced me to suppress my authentic self and kept my body in a state of survival.

I wasn’t able to work with these parts on a somatic and emotional level, because I was not aware of their existence. Back then I didn’t know anything about complex childhood emotional and relational trauma. I just always thought that there was something wrong with me.

Because the memories were too painful, the grief too heavy, and my shame too much, I did everything in my power to suppress and deny it all. This made me completely oblivious to the fact that the things I encountered in my childhood, subconsciously influenced my day-to-day reality. 

It All Starts With Awareness

Once I became aware of the effects of emotional neglect and relational trauma on my development as a child, I slowly understood the core reason for my suffering. From that moment on I could accept my reality as it was. Consequently I was finally able to start healing and growing on a somatic and emotional level. 

Step 1: Inner Child Work

First, I traveled back to my past, to the root of my problems and self-sabotaging behaviors. I made contact with the most hurt and traumatized parts inside of me: my ‘inner child’. I started listening to her and started meeting her needs on an emotional level. I really had to reparent these hurt and lost parts inside of me.

By doing that I gained insight into what was holding me back, blocking me and dragging me into this apathetic state of being every time. Of course it wasn’t that it was all eureka and that it all was gone in an instant.

But I now gained the insight and had the tools to get up again and persevere, hold on, give myself and my inner child what we needed most. The blockages that were holding me back dissolved slowly, and I was able to persevere with my projects, job(s), and goal(s). 

We Are All A Product Of Our Past

Going through this entire process of healing and integration, made me realize that at the root of every problem or struggle we experience, lies something from our past. This helped me to understand that all our suffering is just a very normal reaction to an abnormal world. 

To deal with an abnormal world, every child creates coping (or protection) mechanisms. Up until today these mechanisms are still with us while they aren’t serving us at all (anymore). And it’s these coping mechanisms that are creating true blockages and suffering. 

Step 2: Meeting Our Unmet Needs

To overcome or let go of a coping mechanism, we need to become aware of and revisit the negative experiences from our past. This will help us with discovering the underlying unmet need. When we meet that unmet need ourselves, we are able to stay more grounded and present in our day-to-day reality. 

Meeting our own unmet needs truly is the start of regaining personal power and feeling confident in life. It helps us to free ourselves from the idea that we are powerless in any given situation. And the more personal power we feel, the less we need our coping mechanisms to keep ourselves safe. 

Self-sabotage

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Breaking The Cycle Is The Way Forward

While my personal coping mechanism was to run away, I knew that to grow, and become the person I dreamed to be, I had to stay. In the end it truly was and is my desire to become an independent woman running her own business. Someone who shares her wisdom and helps people by using her talents and gifts.  

I also knew that no one in my family lineage had done this before. And you know, when you are dreaming of walking a path that no one has ever done before, you can’t start walking that path without resistance and growth pains. It’s as if you are breaking a whole family cycle all at once. 

Resistance is a Good Sign

When you want to transform yourself and your life, you will encounter resistance, fears and self-sabotage. You have to understand then what your self-sabotaging behaviors are and travel to your past to understand the root of these behaviors, heal your inner child and give yourself and this inner child what you need in order to grow.

Then you will find the courage and the strength to persevere and reach your goals. It’s not an easy path. It’s not for the faint-hearted. But it’s all worth it.

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This Is How We Can Help You

If you resonated with the insights shared in this blog post and are seeking guidance on your healing journey, below are 3 ways we can help you.

Away from traditional (talk) therapy and coaching Beyond Psychology has created new tools for self-discovery, healing, transformation and growth. Our tools follow a holistic approach and combine somatic and emotional healing practices with psychological theory & guidance.

1. Shop in our webshop

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