Our demanding and emotionally immature society sets the stage for us to experience emotional neglect & relational trauma from a young age. Various tactics, such as fear-based mind control, shaming, blaming, punishing, rejecting, ridiculing, or ostracizing individuals or groups, are employed to enforce conformity to societal norms. As a result, many of us grow up feeling guilty and ashamed of our true selves, leading us to hide our authentic identities.

In the process, we gradually lose touch with our true selves, leaving us feeling unfulfilled and empty. This profound emptiness drives us to seek external validation through consumption, distractions, and other activities. Despite knowing deep down that these pursuits will never suffice.

We Conform To The Norm To Stay Safe

We strive to conform to expectations imposed on us from birth, encompassing cultural, religious, social, moral, and ethical standards dictating what it means to be a “good” person.

This pressure to meet societal standards begins in our vulnerable, dependent childhood, where we naturally conform to the expectations of those closest to us. This includes our loved ones and role models. These individuals, upon whom we rely for our basic needs and survival, often unwittingly perpetuate societal norms due to their own upbringing in the same system.

Download Our Free Starter Pack

& Start Your Journey of Self-discovery, Healing, Transformation & Empowerment!

Relational Trauma Leads To Anxiety, Stress & Helplessness

Because there is no healthy mirroring happening in an emotionally immature society, our truth and reality are constantly denied, ignored, ridiculed, or not acknowledged. As a result, we struggle to fully understand and connect with ourselves. This creates a highly anxious and stressful environment.

Especially for a young child who becomes increasingly reliant on external validation because of that. Subsequently, when we don’t have the power to stand on our own yet as a little child, it will make us feel helpless and trapped.

We might find ourselves resenting those around us, feeling angry because we depend on them while they expect us to hide our true self. In some way, this is a true recipe for feeling relationally betrayed and the foundation for relational trauma.

How Helplessness Creates A Distrust In The Collective

Both the absence of healthy mirroring and the unpredictable stressful environment are a recipe for a us to lose our trust in ourselves and in the world around us. Moreover, it causes us to create and internalize deep-rooted negative beliefs about our own worth.

We tell ourselves things as: ‘I am not worthy to be loved, seen, or valued for who I truly am’. ‘I am a bad person.’ ‘There must be something wrong with me.’

This distrust in the collective, in others, in ‘we’, makes that we live in survival mode constantly from a young age. Furthermore, to stay safe, we create a false self and coping (or survival) mechanisms to deal with the heavy grief and pain that come with growing up in a society like this.

Emotional Suppression: The Root Cause Of Our Diseases

To process the heavy and intense emotions and learn how to cope, we need emotional mature support as children. But because of the emotionally immature society we are living in, that has its direct influence on the family system and thus our parents, we don’t receive such support. This results in emotional dysregulation or the suppression of our emotions entirely.

Slowly, over time, by suppressing these emotions, we ‘forget’ our emotional pain and relational trauma (or ‘betrayal’). While subconsciously it is still there, stored and suppressed in our body, impacting our choices, behavior and relationships. This unresolved pain and grief may later surface as mental, emotional or physical suffering.

Moreover, it results in us feeling a profound emptiness or loneliness, restlessness, stress, depression, or burnout later in our lives. In that sense, one could argue that emotional suppression is the fundamental reason for our illnesses and mental health ‘disorders’.


Free yourself from the burden of external validation seeking, take back your power, learn how to regulate and control your emotions. Start with reparenting your inner child, and become a free, authentic, inspiring and empowered human being.

Shop now for Only €49!

How To Heal Relational Trauma: Experiencing The Opposite

Relational trauma and its consequences really are one of the biggest wounds of our time. It asks of us to become aware of it, and to sit with it, process it, heal it and integrate it.

But how do we do that?

To heal our relational trauma we have to experience the opposite of what we have experienced as a little child. We have to have the experience that we are safe to express our authentic self, and that we are accepted, loved, seen and valued for that.

This will give us the experience that it is safe to be who we truly are and to know that we are able (or ‘allowed’) to protect ourselves (set a boundary, share a preference) if ever there is something that doesn’t feel ok to us.

From Self-Abandonment To Presence

Next to this, we have to have the experience that someone is present with us and with all that we feel. Without wanting it to get away, or trying to fix, solve, deny, mock, ridicule or diminish all that we feel. But how? How do we create such an experience in a world that isn’t ready for this yet?

We have to create this experience ourselves. Especially as an adult, we are the ones that are able to give this to ourselves first. This means: to not abandon ourselves anymore when heavy or intense emotions arise, but sitting with our grief, anger, sadness and fear, and listening to it.

In conclusion: we have to learn how to be and stay present with all that we experience and feel.

We Heal In Relationships

So, we have to stay PRESENT with ourselves. No words, no solutions, no distractions, no workshops, no courses, no books, no social media, no alcohol, no superficial relationships, no talking, no doing, no numbing. Just being present. Feeling our emotions. Being a witness to our deep relational and emotional wounds.

And when we dare to do that and experience more self-trust again, we can ask others we deeply trust, to sit with us and let them be a witness to all that we are. 

Healed People Heal The World

That will heal our collective relational trauma and will help us to slowly trust the collective again. Subsequently, it will help us to resolve the emptiness we feel inside. In addition, it will help resolve our loneliness and helplessness. Because when we are connected to ourselves again, we will feel connected to the world again. 

Furthermore, when we feel connected to the world again, our depression, anxiety, and burn-out will dissolve. Because when we heal the relationship with ourselves, we will heal our relationship with all that exists. We will be able to see ourselves as part of the entire eco-system again.

And then… we can go and clean up the mess we made on this planet. Awake, present, resilient, emotionally mature and fulfilled. For healed people heal the world, and healing is what our world so desperately needs. 


The Ultimate Platform for Self-discovery, Healing,
Transformation & Empowerment

Become a member & gain access to all our exclusive tools for €49,95 per year only! 

This Is How We Can Help You

Away from traditional (talk) therapy and coaching Beyond Psychology has created new tools for self-discovery, healing, transformation and growth. Our tools follow a holistic approach and combine somatic and emotional healing practices with psychological theory & guidance.

If you resonated with the insights shared in this blog post and are seeking guidance on your healing journey, here are 3 ways we can help you:

1. Shop in our webshop

In our webshop you can find all our tools sorted by theme, visit our shop here.

2. Become A Member

Become a member of our online platform & community for Self-discovery, Healing, Transformation & Growth: Heart Journey.

Gain gain instant access to all our Meditations, Somatic Exercises, Parts Work Exercises, Videos, Visualizations and much more for just €7,95 per month or €49,95 per year!

Start your 5 day free trial here.

3. 1-on-1 Guidance

Feel in need of personal guidance? We offer 1-on-1 guidance that transcends classic talk therapy & coaching, speaks directly to the emotions and trauma stored and suppressed in the body, and gets to the root of mental, emotional & physical suffering. Just click here to book a free intake.

Related Blogs

Fear of Abandonment

Fear of Abandonment

Have you ever felt the fear of abandonment or rejection? This fear is incredibly powerful and can have a significant impact on our relationships and personal growth. It holds us back from expressing ourselves authentically and achieving our dreams. In this blog, we...

read more
Depression: A New Perspective

Depression: A New Perspective

If you are someone who sometimes or often feels depressive or has a depression, then this blog is for you. In this blog, we will explore a different perspective on depression and how it can be seen as a coping mechanism rather than a disorder or disease. By...

read more