Why is it that some mothers often cannot get rid of postpartum weight gain after giving birth? The answers may surprise you and, at the same time, offer you a perspective on postpartum weight gain that you may not have had before.

As a relatively new mother, I am active in many Facebook groups where mothers seek help and advice from other mothers. Most commonly, the questions relate to difficulties in family relationships. In addition, many mothers complain that they gain more weight after every birth and that certain health problems worsen or newly appear.

So why is it that some mothers often cannot get rid of postpartum weight gain after giving birth? The answers may surprise you and therefore offer you a different view on postpartum weight gain than you are used to. In this article, I will begin with my own story and then continue with research findings that reveal how the social environment influences our health.

My “Hormonal” Story of Postpartum Weight Gain

At first, the first part of my pregnancy was psychologically demanding due to disagreements with my partner. Physically, however, I felt excellent while living on my land surrounded by many trees and greenery and near the sea in Africa. Every day, I spent at least one hour soaking in the sea and sitting on the veranda.

While I was in Africa, I did not experience any of the symptoms that pregnant women often encounter. For example, there was no nausea, no uncontrollable hunger, no constipation, or anything else. Instead, I felt as if I was glowing and blossoming, and that is how I looked as well.

Nevertheless, despite my heartfelt wish to give birth at home in Africa, my partner convinced me to go to Europe instead because of better healthcare and their ability to perform emergency interventions. At the same time, since I also had certain fears and did not know how to carry out a safe home birth in Africa, I agreed to go to my family in Slovenia two months before my due date.

There, however, I did not have my own house or my own rules, but only a room, a kitchen, and an office. In addition, I shared the bathroom with my parents.

A Different Pregnancy in Africa and Slovenia

Once I arrived in Slovenia, my symptoms began. For instance, I started retaining water. At the same time, I slept very poorly because I felt tingling and pain in my wrists. Moreover, in Slovenia I constantly craved calorie dense and lower quality foods such as burek, vegan spreads, chocolate spreads, and white bread.

My partner joined me later, specifically two weeks before birth. However, our mutual issues remained and even intensified. Even regarding my birth, which I had planned outside of a maternity hospital at a ranch with a doula and a midwife, we were not on the same page. As a result, I was frustrated and nervous instead of flowing, calm, and surrendered to the process, as I should have been in that state.

I spent two nights in labour, but my baby did not descend despite all the exercises and techniques we tried.
My note: of course, because I was tense, controlling, emotionally torn, and focused on my partner instead of myself and the baby.

Eventually, my child was born by C section.

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Continued Stress After Birth

After birth, however, the stress continued because my baby could not breastfeed properly until we cut his tongue tie. In addition, he cried a lot because he suffered from colic. Meanwhile, I continued eating processed foods after birth and, on top of that, added daily ice cream. 

At the same time, the relationship with my partner became increasingly tense. Eventually, I reached my limit and told him that I had had enough and that I wanted us to separate.

I Did Not Crave Ice Cream Because of Hormones

When he left, I stopped craving ice cream and burek already the next day. Instead, I desired freshly squeezed juice and salad. Later on, when I studied the effects of stress on organ function, everything became logical. This experience completely changed how I understood my own postpartum weight gain.

When we are in relationships where we do not feel safe, unconditionally accepted, and loved, we constantly operate in what is called survival mode. In this state, the body produces large amounts of stress hormones. As a result, sugar is released into the bloodstream, activating the muscles for fight or flight.

This mode of functioning is familiar to the body because it is intended for urgent situations, such as escaping from fire or danger. Therefore, the purpose of this state is to activate us to solve a problem. After the problem is resolved, however, the body should switch back into a state of calm, where hormones of happiness and pleasure are released. 

Postpartum Weight Gain and Chronic Stress

When we remain in unhealthy relationships and unnatural living environments, the body can remain in constant readiness for fight or flight for many years without us being aware of it. Eventually, the consequences are shown by the body. Over time, this constant stress response plays a significant role in persistent postpartum weight gain.

First, and perhaps most importantly, in a state of crisis the functions regulated by the parasympathetic nervous system deteriorate significantly. For example, digestion suffers, the immune system weakens, breathing becomes shallow instead of deep, and we become excessively alert and focused.

In other words, it is similar to constantly pedaling a bicycle with full force in a low gear. You are slow and, at the same time, you burn out.

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Changes in a Woman’s Life After Birth

After birth, many things that were previously denied or suppressed in the relationship come to the surface. This happens because a new person enters the family who is completely helpless and whose survival, especially in our society, is entirely dependent on the parents.

Most often, though not always, women are the ones who give more in the relationship, at least in Slovenia according to my observations. This is often the case even before children arrive. Society has programmed women to believe that their existence is meaningful when they make a man happy.

Unfortunately, however, the system has not taught men how to soothe a woman’s nervous system so that she feels safe while giving and can do so with ease, in her feminine energy, rather than depleting herself. As a result, most Slovenian women, including myself, learned from their mothers how to spend their energy outward.

Emotional Eating as a Result of a Lack of Pleasure

As long as a woman expends her energy on a man, the body can still somewhat balance this energy loss. For instance, she may have hobbies, friends, or other activities that nourish and fulfill her. For many women, emotional eating becomes an important but overlooked factor in postpartum weight gain.

However, when a child enters her life, a woman is often left without the external sources that previously helped her. At that point, there is a newborn in the house and a man who often behaves as if he were also a child. Consequently, her energy now flows toward two people, while nothing flows back.

If a woman does not become aware of this and does not set new demands and boundaries in the partnership, she will therefore almost certainly escape into addictions as a result of chronic energy depletion.

Chocolate and TV Shows as the Most Common “Drug” of Exhausted Mothers

Responsible breastfeeding mothers do not smoke or drink alcohol. However, if they are exhausted, they will look for ways to raise the levels of happiness hormones in their bodies. As a result, food rich in carbohydrates and fats, as well as films and TV series, often become lifelines for an exhausted new mother during maternity leave when she does not feel supported.

Although these pleasures bring enjoyment, the effect is temporary. The problem, therefore, is that dissatisfaction should be addressed where it originates, namely in relationships with others and in the relationship with oneself.

Watching TV series and overeating are like placing a small bandage on a large wound that someone reopens every day. You can put ten bandages on it. However, if your husband comes home from work the next day and asks, “Why is the house so messy when you were home all day?” and you allow it, the wound opens again and your energy quickly drains away.

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How Can a Mother Reduce Stress After Birth?

For mothers who face health or psychological challenges during pregnancy or after birth that professionals quickly attribute to hormones or nutrient deficiencies, such as hair loss, fatigue, weak teeth, weight gain, depression, and similar issues, it is therefore most important that they begin to examine the quality of their relationships. This is especially relevant for mothers who experience postpartum weight gain alongside fatigue, mood changes, or other health complaints.

They should start by exploring their upbringing and how they were raised, because upbringing strongly influences partner choice and self worth in adulthood. Non compassionate upbringing produces adults with low self esteem who over adapt. As a result, this often leads them toward psychological and physical illnesses and obesity.

Unfortunately, children raised in this way often unconsciously choose partners who treat them similarly to how their parents did. At the same time, they do not recognize this pattern.

Healing Postpartum Weight Gain Through Boundaries and Self Respect

For mothers who struggle with health or weight issues more than a year after birth, it is therefore crucial that they address these challenges and seek professional help or begin exploring on their own.

They need to begin seeing themselves, the people who raised them, and their partners realistically. Most importantly, if they realize they are not respected and valued, they must set clear boundaries in these relationships or end them if there is no solution.

At that point, they will have no difficulty eating salads and fresh fruit and cooking low fat meals.

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