Depression is commonly understood as a disorder, an illness, or a chemical imbalance that somehow develops inside a person. From that perspective, depression appears as something that has gone wrong, something to be corrected, managed, or eliminated. However, when depression is approached from a relational and emotional lens, a very different picture emerges. Rather than being a malfunction, depression can be understood as an adaptive state that develops when emotional expression, authenticity, and agency have been chronically suppressed.

Many people who feel depressed describe a sense of emptiness, heaviness, or numbness rather than intense sadness. They often report feeling disconnected from themselves, from others, and from life itself. Motivation disappears, pleasure fades, and even simple actions begin to feel exhausting. From the outside, this can look like passivity or lack of will. Internally, however, depression is rarely empty. It is more accurately described as a state of emotional shutdown that arises when feeling, wanting, and expressing have become unsafe.

You can watch a video by Myrthe Glasbergen, MSc. about this topic below. Prefer to read on? Just scroll below the video. 

Depression as Emotional Shutdown Rather Than Deficiency

When you grow up in an environment where emotional expression is not welcomed, mirrored, or supported, you learn early on that certain feelings and parts of yourself are better kept inside. This may happen in overtly abusive situations, but far more often it occurs in emotionally immature or neglectful environments where there is little room for anger, grief, vulnerability, or truth. In such contexts, suppressing yourself becomes a way to stay connected, to belong, and to survive.

Over time, this suppression does not remain limited to one or two emotions. Gradually, larger parts of your emotional life may become inhibited. Anger is held back because it threatens connection. Grief is pushed away because there is no one to receive it. Desire feels selfish. Joy feels inappropriate. As a result, the nervous system adapts by reducing overall emotional intensity. Depression, in this sense, is not the absence of feeling, but the containment of too much unexpressed emotional material.

The Role of Suppressed Grief, Anger, and Desire

Depression often develops when grief cannot be mourned, anger cannot be expressed, and longing has nowhere to go. As a child, you may have needed comfort, protection, validation, or encouragement that was not available. The grief of that absence is real, yet without emotional support it cannot be processed. Instead, it is carried silently. The same applies to anger that was never allowed to be directed outward, and to desires that were dismissed or ridiculed.

These unexpressed emotions do not disappear. They remain active beneath the surface, held in the body and nervous system. Over time, maintaining this internal restraint requires enormous energy. Eventually, the system compensates by shutting down. Depression can then be understood as the body’s attempt to prevent further overwhelm by limiting emotional movement altogether.

Why Depression Often Feels Like Powerlessness

A common experience within depression is a profound sense of helplessness or powerlessness. You may feel unable to change your situation, unable to act, or unable to imagine a different future. This is often interpreted as a lack of motivation or confidence. However, when viewed through the lens of suppression, this powerlessness makes sense. Many of the parts that enable agency — anger, boundaries, assertiveness, creativity, initiative — may have been suppressed for years.

When these parts are not available to you, it becomes genuinely difficult to take action. You may intellectually know what you want or need, yet feel incapable of moving toward it. This gap between knowing and doing is not a personal failure, but a sign that essential aspects of yourself are still being held back.

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